Life's an Adventure: Wedding, Marriage, and Family

These are three things that are super important to most of the Indians that I have encountered. I think that I was asked by almost everyone in the office if I was married within my first week. At my age I should be married. I should at least be wondering why I am not, or telling my parents that I don't want to be arranged. I think at my age, a fresh, young 26 year old that I am on the boarder of old maid, or at least by 30 I would be. At least I can say that I have a boyfriend and that sees good enough for most people.

Indians wear a lot of rings and a lot of jewelry, but no wedding band. So one day I asked, "who in the office is married?" and the answer was, "just assume everyone."

It has been so interesting learning about arranged marriages and the whole process, because it is nothing like I thought. My understanding was that the two getting married were complete strangers and the woman has absolutely no say in the matter and it is the saddest time of her life because she is generally going to be moving far away from her family. Although this does still happen with certain people, more of the poor or little tribal towns, it is less common in the bigger cities.

I was talking to one woman who after asking me if I was married she said straight out, "I was arranged." Okay, I thought, how am I supposed to answer - was she happy, was she not, was she just trying to teach me about the culture? So, I just asked. Were you happy about that? She said that she is because she got a good guy. She explained that when she was ready to find a husband her family put an ad in the paper and then a bunch of men would respond with their credentials. Out of the ones whom she was interested in, she would meet them and their families and then it would be decided upon. They way she described it is that she very much had a say, but the families are really involved and in arranged marriages, often the couple doesn't meet more than a few times before they decide.

Love marriages are becoming much more common and women are starting to refuse to be arranged. This only works if the family allows it, like I mentioned earlier. The bride's family has to give a huge dowery, but then they no longer have to support the daughter, so that is why it is better to have them married off. The men on the other hand, chose their bride and then get married and then I think often live with the man's family.

Since the man receives the dowery and the family doesn't have to pay for the weddings, having a male son is seen as a cause to celebrate. The weddings are set up in a very similar fashion. And just to remind you, I went to a North Indian Wedding which is much different than a South Indian Wedding. The traditions are just different. I got all dressed up in my Sari from the holiday party purchased in the US. So, come to find that it is incredibly plain and not a wedding Sari. This means that there is no sparkle or jewels or beading in the material. The girl that was getting me ready kept saying that it doesn't matter what I wear, just the fact that I am wearing a Sari is great!

I showed up and there were fireworks and a small marching band and people holing lights and in the middle of the music players was the family, drenched in sweat, dancing right in front of the main attraction. The Groom on a horse. He is sitting up there with a little boy. Who is this little boy you might wonder, well again from what I understand is that since the Groom is having such fortune, there are evil spirits that want to ruin that so it is a good omen to have a little boy to distract the spirits. I am not too sure about this one, it was really loud when I was hearing the explanation.

So the grooms family and friends get in side of this tunnel that the band has created and dance all the way down the street for a couple of hours to to reception place where the brides family is. The Grooms' family is supposed to be happy and dancing because he is getting the bride and the Bride and her party are supposed to be sad. I think I left at 11:30 and the ceremonies had just started. They were going to be officially married at 1:00 in the morning and only the close family stays for that. Everyone else just comes, dances, eats and leaves. Also, a lot of people don't eat meat on Tuesdays because of their religion, so it was all veg food.

One thing that the girls were trying to explain to me is that there is a crying ceremony where the girl officially leaves her family and becomes part of the Groom's family. I was asking if it is a love match, then is there still this part and they said yes. That they are supposed to be sad to be leaving your family even if you are really happy to be with your husband. One girl who was a love match said that she was really happy and her family was telling her that she had to cry, to show that she was going to miss them. It is all so interesting to me.

I don't know exactly all what I thought about it. I was trying to pick up some of the indian dance moves, and I just felt like a fool. Everyone was again looking at me because I was the only white person at the wedding. The only one. So anytime I tried something new they were all like, "Oh, look at the cute little white girl trying to dance Bollywood. Oh, look at the white girl trying new foods. Oh, look at the white girl wearing a Sari."

Ok...we know I really liked it, and I loved seeing everyone all dressed up and I hope that I get to go to another one again before I leave.