Go Easy on Yourself

Toady is my second day in India but already I am feeling much more comfortable. I am not going to lie, when the plane started it's final descent and I could see the sprawling lights of Delhi below me, my heart started to race and i think that I had a mild anxiety attack. I couldn't believe that I was actually moving to a place, that most people don't even want to visit and I was going to be there for the next year.

I had had my expectations set by anyone and everyone that I have talked to before coming here and I think that I had a good idea of what the next year was going to be, but still I hadn't seen it for myself and I was nervous.

When I got off the plane I was a mixture of excitement and jitters. Not to mention that I had also chosen not to sleep the 29 hours so that I could be exhausted when I arrived at the planned 11:00 pm arrival time in Delhi and better adjust to the jet lag. Arriving at almost at 1:00 my bags came out unexpectedly quick. The next challenge was to find Satya who I have never met and never got around to looking up a picture of him at work...oooops. When I didn't see him or a sign saying Quinnen or EF or anything of the sort, my overtired nervous body started to panic. My phone didn't work and I didn't have his phone number even if it did. Upon this panic I my inner tour consultant reminded myself that I have dealt with much worse and I was probably just standing in the wrong spot. So I looked around, spotted a sliding glass door with tons of men holding signs. I walked through, still didn't see Satya or anyone who recognized me until some guy came up to me and told me that I should go with him. It was Satya's driver and he led me to Satya. Few.

I I had my first experience with the Driver. He brought in all of my luggage and it was a little awkward. I just wanted to carry my own stuff in or at least hellp him. When I started to Satya said, “don’t worry, he will take care of it.” Not in a rude way, just as is. He entered the house when Satya was showing me around only to bring in my bags and then he just waited until Satya was finished and they left.

The drive here didn’t scare me as much as I thought that it was going to…but don't get me wrong, it is still insane. There are no lines an everyone is honking every second. Since there are no rules that i have experienced yet, except honk when you pass so the other person doesn't hit you it becomes loud and chaotic. I would take a picture, but it just does not capture the feeling that you are always going to crash. Good thing that I am not an anxious passenger. There were times when the car next to you in only one or two inches away and there are so many people riding side saddle on bikes. Some of the motorcycles are carrying 4 people and babies with no helmets. Either we are uptight or they just don't care.

For the last couple days I have been staying on the bottom floor in the suit room of the Canadian guesthouse. It is a living room and bed room with a shared kitchen. The bathroom didn't have any TP. Luckily Satya thought ahead and brought some for me. No shower curtains and the power goes out multiple times per day. I kid you not, that while I am writing this the power just went out. Looks like I am finishing the rest of this in the dark with the light of my laptop (Which I love! Thanks Jack for getting it set up!). The guy who owns it is super nice. He is a very large Indian guy who lived in Canada and then opened up this place when he moved back here. Since the room is right on the street I wake up to the stray dogs barking and fighting, the honking of the cars and the calling to the fruit vendors that walk up and down the road. Where I am staying is close to work and is supposed to be somewhat of an upscale area, but upscale here is not the same as upscale at home. It is clean and safe and that is all that I need, but I really think that the standards here are much different than those back home.

Oh and I forgot to mention, there is a creepy dude with a big fro on my walls. There are two huge pictures as if one 2'x3' foot frame is not big enough. He stares at me every morning and every night. I am told he is a Guru. :)

I am starting to get brave. I use the water in the sink to brush my teeth, then rinse once with bottled water. I have to ease into things you know...I hope that I don’t get sick.

The day I arrived I was completely overwhelmed. I still am a little timid to walk outside by myself. I was getting so angry with myself because my normal confident, independent, strong personality flew right out the window when I landed on that plane. I have never been so aware of how white I am. Everyone stares at me, and on top of that most of the people outside are men. There are men just sitting on the side or the road or piled in cars and they just stare. It is intimidating to say the least.

Alison has been great. She picks me up with her driver every morning before work until I get situated, and she took me food shopping at the market yesterday. Again, there are just so many people! I walk into the smallest market. One that is smaller than the room that I am sitting in right now and there were at least 8 men working three in front of the counter blocking the shelves and 5 behind. One bagged the groceries, one took my money, one calculated the cost and the other one handed the money to the one at the register to get me change.

I wonder how long it is going to take to stop noticing the differences and to feel comfortable. I have to keep reminding myself that it has only been two days and that I have plenty of time to acclimate and it is okay that I am not there yet.